Into a Timeless Ocean
by Pre-Reform-Voice
Summary: Post High EMS Destroy Ending. I'd love to give a summary, but in all honesty, I can't. Someone will get seriously hurt and someone else will try and save them.
1. Never Bow Down From the Sorrow

_((Originally, I planned to post this when I was done writing. Why? Because the plot I have in mind is dark. So much so, I was – ahead of actually starting to write this – not certain I'd go through with it. Now I'm at the hell-with-it-stage. The rating is precautionary. Now the plot I want needs preparation. I mean, I need to get everyone into one place first. I'm working on that. I have a feeling this is going to be a longer text. The good thing about the mess that is the ending of ME3 is that it leaves so much open it gives me room to manoeuvre. I try to stick with canon – or something plausible within the canon. Sense. I like making it._

_Tags may change if I remember to do it._

_I'm afraid I'll have to leave you with this bit of text for the start – I'll be away over the weekend with no means to write or post._

_I intend to have chapters according to the mirror characters or at least according to the location, so the length might vary greatly. I do, however, draw the line for a single chapter at about four to five word pages._

_The title is a line from the song _Generators_ by Deine Lakaien. The chapter heading is a line from the song _Let Us Burn_ by Within Temptation.))_

* * *

_Chapter 1  
Never Bow Down From the Sorrow_

Huge black eyes closed, lid sliding up. Blinking was a very fast process. Human speech even had a phrase for the rather imprecise amount of time – the blink of an eye. Now it was too slow to shield the blinding light. On the other hand, the lids alone couldn't block out the glare. An arm was sufficient. The ground shook, violently, and noise – screams of people and metal – filled the air. A quickly drawn breath pulled in what seemed to be more dust than air – had the humans used unsafe materials in construction? Asbestos, perhaps? Hopefully not … – and he coughed violently, doubling over. Strong hands steered him away, perhaps to safety. 'Doctor, we have to get out, the building …'

He opened his eyes forcefully, saw the worried eyes of the young asari in front of him. He pulled himself up and together. 'Yes. We must leave.' He began making his way out into London, his breathing as shallow as his age and fear and haste allowed. He shook off the hands that tried to help and support him. His companion was rather insistent. He shoved her towards the exit. 'Get to safety. Way more valuable than me. Get out!' The asari didn't obey and he gave up and allowed the help. He'd steal more of her time if he resisted.

Outside, he wondered what good it did them all. What remained of the Citadel looked huge, the orbit so close that it must be decaying quickly. A problem, for certain. A reaper had crashed right next to their station. One metre closer and they would all be dead, crushed by so much rubble. 'Iris …' The single word fell from his lips softly.

'What?'

He didn't answer. He thought of the Krogans. Of a solemn promise to bring him to Tuchanka personally when it was all done. Of how he had to wait. For the greater good. 'The mass relays. No way they still work. It's all over. So many will die here. Turians. Quarians. Will starve. Or eat our food in desperation and die of anaphylactic shock. No more promises. Little hope for them.'

'But … haven't we won?'

Finally, he averted his gaze. 'Yes. But at what price?' His head held high, he walked away. There had to be patients, people injured everywhere. He couldn't die just yet. Maybe he could still do some good. The world would continue. Just not for everyone.


	2. Along Distant Shores

_((Chapter heading is taken from the song _Away_ by Deine Lakaien.))_

* * *

_Chapter 2  
Along Distant Shores_

The air was humid and warm. 'Perfect spot for a nice, long vacation.'

Joker snorted. 'Except we don't know where we even are. Perhaps there's some toxin in the air and we'll all die. And if that doesn't happen, we'll get eaten by something large and hungry.'

'Shot, more likely.' Garrus sighed. 'I know where we are.'

'Yes? Enlighten me. I admit, I didn't pay attention to the where. I was busy trying to land in a manner that doesn't kill us all.'

'I'm amazed that you succeeded. To answer your question, this is Zorya. I've been here with Shepard and Zaeed. This planet belongs to the Blue Suns. We'd better stay out of sight.'

'Because the Normandy is so easy to hide.'

'We're not within sight of their base, but I recognise the two moons and the mountain range over there. This could be so much worse. Imagine we'd crashed into some gas giant.'

Joker looked at the landscape before them, green and beautiful and looking every bit as if everything hadn't just gone to hell. 'Except we're not getting out of here, are we? The relays can't have survived, and even if by some miracle they did, this ship isn't going to take off again. Maybe EDI would know how to repair her, but I certainly don't.'

Garrus was spared from answering by a soft thud followed by a foreign curse. Tali had climbed out of the Normandy and tripped. While she brushed leaves off her knees, she was followed by Kaidan. 'I'm afraid we've lost EDI. All AIs, I presume. I can't believe how upset I am about that. But you're forgetting something in your sinister prognosis, Joker.'

He looked at her. 'Yeah? Which is?'

'One of us here knows how to make something out of nothing. Maybe we're not grounded for good.'

'A tree punched a hole through my ship, and that's probably not our greatest problem. Who'd be able …' He closed his eyes. 'Of course. Tali, if you can fix her I'll forever admire you. But even then …'

'This isn't helping.' Garrus took a deep breath. 'We need to scout the area, make sure that there are no hostiles too close to us. In general, I suggest we stay near the Normandy. That's more protection from our surroundings than anything we could build. We have to make sure that the internal water cycle is working first and that we get communication on the ship to work, everything else can wait. We have rations for quite some time.' His mandibles flared. 'We're not quite dead yet. And I don't plan on dying any time soon, damn it.'

Ϡ

Garrus had returned into the ship with Tali, had followed her and let her explain how she planned to take care of the most immediate problems. He suddenly found himself being regarded with a tilted head and folded arms. 'You haven't heard a word I just said, have you?'

Garrus shook himself. 'Sorry, Tali, I …'

She waved him away. 'I know. This must be horrible for you. For all of us, but … Do you think …'

'I try not to.'

'Get some rest. I'll take care of the Normandy. We need you, Garrus. If you break, we're never getting out of here.'

He swallowed. 'I'm not going to. I just need a bit of time. I won't let you down.'

He ambled through the ship and climbed up the elevator tube to Shepard's quarters. The lift was relatively high up on Tali's agenda to get things to function again, but before that, she needed communications to work. She didn't want to crush anyone if the safety systems should fail. That much, he'd registered in the hoard of things that needed doing.

A few things were on the floor, odds and ends that had fallen off the desk, but other than that, the cabin seemed pristine. Garrus closed his eyes, leaned against the wall and forced himself not to scream into the oppressive silence. Normally, the room would be sound-proof, but with everything so compromised, he couldn't allow himself such a display. Instead he made it to Shepard's bed, lay down on buried his head in her pillow. Unbidden, he thought of the miserable look on Kaidan's face and wondered if the humans could read him as well as he could read them. Alenko had no right to be miserable. He'd mistrusted her, had hurt her profoundly with his rejection, and even though that had been before anything had happened between them, Garrus had wanted to punch him for such blatant disloyalty.

'This is ridiculous. You're not the only one who has a right to grieve. Perhaps the only who's talking to himself, though.' He wondered if he should be grieving at all or if he should still hope. Some people – at least in fiction, turian or human – seemed to believe that they would feel if a loved one was dead. Garrus didn't think so. There was no actual, graspable link between two people that could span half the galaxy. He had no idea and reason told him that any hope would be foolish.

Something crackled. 'Javik? Javik, do you hear me?'

Garrus felt a minute nudge of amusement and a much more substantial wave of affection for the quarian who refused to let absolutely anything crush her spirit. He walked over to the console, picking up a fallen picture frame on the way. 'Not quite the one you wanted, but I hear you.'

There was a brief pause. 'What? Where are you?'

'Shepard's quarters.' He looked at the picture. There was a crack on the screen, but his image was still there. He wished he had a picture of Iris instead.

'Keelah. I am so sorry, I wanted the crew's quarters. I didn't mean to …'

Despite himself, Garrus laughed. 'Don't worry about it. What do you say, can you use a hand?'

Again, she hesitated for a moment. 'That's all right. This is just such a mess. We don't really know what connects where. I thought I'd figured it out, but apparently, I was wrong.'

Garrus placed the picture on the desk and started rifling through drawers instead, looking for a particular data pad. 'I suppose turian design and quarian design aren't the same. But since I'm already in Iris's place, I can grab the construction plans while I'm at it. That should help you. Just give me a moment to … ah, there it is.'

'If you just bring me the plans …'

'Please. I need to feel at least moderately useful.'

'Well. I suppose four eyes see more than two.'

Garrus knew the quarian didn't need him at all and was just humouring him. He didn't give a damn. 'Thanks, Tali. I'll be right there.'


	3. Pick Up Here and Chase the Ride

_((I just checked when I first started planning this because I know I've had the file with my notes and the blank document with the title for a long time. Timestamp says 01.08.2016. Between then and now, there were several times I wanted to scrap the thing because I wasn't sure I wanted to do this, let alone how. Now that I've relapsed into heavy obsession, I'm glad I didn't._

_The chapter heading is a line from _Find the River_ by R.E.M.))_

* * *

_Chapter 3  
Pick Up Here and Chase the Ride_

The world snapped into existence violently. First, there was light, too bright and too white. Then an fuzzy blue shape blocked out some of it and she swatted at it, as hard as she could. A muffled sound told her she had hit someone – an asari? Curious. The shape was gone, the light back, and the strong smell of disinfectant filled her being.

She tried to sit up. A wave of dizziness and nausea slammed her back down. Her stomach convulsed, but nothing came up except a pathetic whimper.

With an enormous effort, Commander Iris Shepard focussed on breathing and tried to sort through a jumble of memories. The beam … the Citadel … She had met an AI, had been offered a choice, all options she was given resulting in her death. Or so she'd believed.

Not for the first time a dreadful thought, more frightening than the battle, surfaced, choking the very air from her. What if none of it was real? What if …

'Shepard, stay put. You're very badly hurt and need to be extremely careful.'

The fog wouldn't quite clear, but the voice was familiar. Iris closed her eyes again in frustration. 'Why is it you're always involved when I fail at dying?'

'Because I was asked to help here. Seeing how I know what you're made of. Literally.'

A minute smile tugged at Iris. 'I'd like not to be in your debt.'

'Are you mad? You saved all of us. And not just humanity, every advanced civilisation. I think at this point godhood is within reach for you.'

'Miranda, my crew … Did they get out in time?'

There was a pause that was long enough to warrant the effort of looking again. This time, Miranda was recognisable and looking troubled. 'I honestly don't know. They took off, but then … the mass relays are severely damaged if not entirely ruined. If they just landed on Earth, preferably in some rural area, they're probably fine. But then I figure they'd have made contact.'

'Meaning?'

'Meaning I suppose they got to the relay. If that functioned, they can't come back. If it blew up the moment they were there …' Miranda didn't finish her sentence, her expression speaking volumes. 'I hope … I don't know. I mean, maybe we can fix the relays and find who survived. Shit, I shouldn't have told you any of this. You're not supposed to trouble yourself.'

'Because refusing to answer would have made me feel so much better. Thanks for being honest.'

'Commander Shepard! Tiale said you're awake.' Mordin shoved Miranda away, none too gently. 'Hope Miss Lawson didn't upset you. Have …'

'Hey! I didn't upset her at all. I figured until that crazy asari finds you, I'll make sure she doesn't try to get up while your shadow looks for you. You can thank me later.'

Iris made a face. 'I'm not upset, Mordin. Surprised you're alive. Anyone, for that matter.'

Mordin pointed an angry finger at her. 'Promised to go to Tuchanka. Holding you to that, assuming mass relays will work again. Too much light. Miranda, shutters. Eyes badly damaged. Will be all right, but caution required for a week.'

As always from the moment she'd met him, Mordin managed to make Iris smile. 'If I am at all able, I'll keep my word.' She hesitated. 'Am I able?'

'Ah, we haven't …'

'Truth, Mordin.'

The old salarian blinked at her. 'Yes. Of course. Found you unconscious. Internal haemorrhaging. Splenic rupture. Fractured femur, clavicle. Also compound fracture. We …'

'Short version. Am I dying?'

'No! Of course not.'

'How long have I been out?'

'34 days.'

'Shit. How long do I have to stay here?'

Mordin huffed. 'Depends. Fractures have been set and sealed, but physical therapy necessary. Have been unconscious for a long time. Induced coma. Passive range of motion exercise helpful but ultimately insufficient. Need to talk to Tiale. Shutters were supposed to stay closed.'

Iris's lips twitched. 'Someone else got it wrong, huh?'

Amusement sparkled in the tired dark eyes. 'Exactly. Have schedule therapy. Will be back.'

'So, what did you do this time?' Iris asked once she was alone with Miranda again. 'Any freak tech in my body that I should know of?'

Miranda didn't rise to the bait. 'No, nothing as fancy as last time was needed. Mordin's and my knowledge of you were quite sufficient.'

'Who's this Tiale person?'

'The asari who runs the hospital now. She's actually some sort of med tech. She saved Mordin from a collapsing building and keeps hovering about him since that. He finds it a bit unnerving, I think, but she's very diligent and eager.'

'Any permanent damage to me?'

'Ah. You should probably talk to Mordin …'

'Tell me, Miranda. I can handle it.'

Miranda's expression was soft. 'I know. You're right. I'm afraid, yes. Your lung was pretty badly damaged. From the fall, of course, but also from extreme heat. There's some scarring. To what extent that affects your pulmonary function remains to be seen.'

'Will I be able to go back into space?'

For a few seconds Miranda stared at her. 'I haven't the faintest idea if any of us is going to go back into space, Iris.' The use of her first name was a mark of how emotional Miranda was about that question. 'But that isn't what you mean. I don't see why you, in particular, should not. I mean, a guy with Vrolik's syndrome is the best pilot I've ever known. You may not be participating in a marathon, but you're still you.' She scowled. 'Now be good and rest or Mordin will sedate you again. Don't doubt it.'


	4. The Cloud You Live Under

_((Chapter heading is taken from the song _Remember This_ by the Flying Pickets.))_

* * *

_Chapter 4  
The Cloud You Live Under_

The human's fingers curled inwards and so did the mercenary's whole body. Garrus watched him sink to the ground and stay there. He was used to fighting with a biotic at his side, although Alenko had nothing on Shepard. That woman could mess up a group of hostiles without firing a single shot. Which didn't mean she wasn't good with a gun. Quite the contrary, especially if she had to make sure her boyfriend's ego didn't inflate even more than it had to. He pushed the thought of her smirk firmly away. 'Tali, how's it on your end?'

'Quiet. I'm going in.'

'Be careful.' He cut the communication. It didn't work over long distances, but everything up to a few hundred metres would be fine. Garrus growled even though he knew Kaidan couldn't hear the frequency. 'I don't like this a bit more than I thought I would.'

'No, but she refused to let Vega go. We were both there.'

'I know. And I understand it. This is her problem and mine, not yours. But still …'

'Tali can handle herself. We all can.'

'I don't doubt that. But none of us is exactly used to work without backup. Or stealth, for that matter.' Garrus looked around his cover. He wished Shepard had managed to persuade Kasumi to return to the ship. He was certain Tali wouldn't have minded her going in alone – not because she didn't like the thief, but because they all knew she'd manage just fine without anyone the wiser 'Let's move. Hang on, I'm shooting the window up there. That should get their attention. Ready?'

'Yep.'

Garrus fired. A shout followed and he dashed forwards, closer to the entrance. Kaidan's omnitool came alive while the human stared intently at the door. He kept staring when it opened and a figure came through. The moment they were halfway out, sparks flew from a breaker next to the door as it closed. The merc didn't stand a chance. Garrus gave Kaidan a thumbs up. 'Good one.'

'Just as long as their friends don't come to visit us at home.'

'We have to be gone by then.' Garrus used his own omnitool to open the door again. 'This isn't a long term solution. Tali can eat food paste for turians in an emergency, but she really shouldn't. We've got to get her out of here. More than the rest of us, that is. I wouldn't complain that some of our dextro food is possibly contaminated, but Tali can't afford that. Better to use sealed food for turians than that.'

'Where?'

Garrus glanced over the fencing they crouched behind and ducked quickly. Someone had braved the door again and a bullet whistled past him. 'Lousy shooter.' He moved as far left as he could and fired, half blind, in the direction the other guy had been. He heard a satisfyingly brief groan. 'Idiot. Should've moved.'

'Tell them, why don't you?'

'There's one right in the door, you can get him.'

'Not that way anymore, we fried the thing into oblivion.' Kaidan aimed, a little less at random, because they were looking where Garrus had been rather than his hiding place. 'Anyway. I meant, where do we go and how do we get there? Did anyone come up with ideas?'

'Javik had some.' Garrus laughed. 'He informed us – today, mind you, not when we first started speculating – that no-one can or should try to repair the relays because there are keepers in there and we'd only make things worse.'

Kaidan almost froze in the process of looking out from his cover. He stared at the turian as if he'd suddenly grown tentacles. 'What?'

'Yes, that was my reaction, too. He was very indignant that we didn't know this.'

'Figures. But … how?'

'I didn't ask. Imagine the smug look I'd have got. Anyway, my next stupid question was how we'll know when they work again without flying there and looking, which is a bad idea. We haven't got much fuel and we don't know if we can refuel any more than if the bloody relay works.'

'Sounds like a rather sensible question to me.'

'It sounded good in my head, but Samantha had a laughing fit and I swear Tali smirked behind that helmet of hers. I can tell by now. See, communication beyond the cluster uses the relays. So if we _hear_ Earth, we can reach it, too. And apparently she can track how. As in which relays we'll have to use. I mean, the Ismar Frontier one connects to the Serpent Nebula, the Minos Wasteland, and the Eagle Nebula. And that's only those that get us closer to Earth rather than further away. Joker swears we have enough fuel to reach the relay, too.'

'We receive nothing from another cluster, now. Otherwise we'd have heard Traynor cheer. Us and the rest of the Galaxy, with or without functional communication.'

'True. But this isn't something we can influence. We'll have to sit this out, no matter how little we like it.'

'I'm in,' Tali said in Garrus' communication device. 'I have as much as I can sensibly carry. Heading back now.'

'We'll make a bit more noise. I think we scared them off a bit.' Garrus moved over to the door and glanced into the darkness behind it. 'We took out the lighting, Kaidan. Let me …' He used his omnitool to send pulses of energy into the wiring. The powerful, harsh smell of cable fire filled the air. 'Damn their half broken tech.' Through his visor, he saw that the room they had attacked was an armoury. There was potential in that. 'Now isn't that beautiful. Tali, are you out? I might bring the building down. If no-one survives and they don't look too closely, they might think this is an accident.'

'Do your worst.'

'Are you all right?'

'Just in a hurry to get some distance between me and them. I'll wait for you at the Normandy.'

'Something wrong?' Kaidan asked.

'She sounded … hassled. Now let's see. Can you shift a crate towards me from there? It's about five metres in that direction. Thanks. And now – run like hell before this blows up.'

Ϡ

The only reason why Garrus's hands weren't trembling was the metal plate he was holding on to. He forced himself not to stare at Tali. He'd talk to her later and lock her in the AI Core if he had to. But this moment was something that Joker needed – something they all needed, Tali included. The pilot was extremely frustrated about his inability to contribute. They had all told him that he and Tali were the two individuals without whom they'd never get anywhere, the rest of them were much less valuable. But he needed to do something, and Garrus could relate to that. He'd mentioned making nameplates for the memorial wall and he'd kept his promise after Tali had fixed the engraving machine for him. It was something he could operate without risking his health, so Garrus saw no reason to try and dissuade him. Among others, EDI and Anderson's names were on the wall already, and now all eyes were on Garrus. He swallowed and approached the wall.

He just had to place that horrid thing there and be done with it. He wouldn't be able to walk past it without having his insides ripped to shreds, but it would be some closure. Or so he had thought.

He breathed in and out and something snapped into place. His mind cleared and he turned back around, facing the others. 'She's alive. I won't place this here before I have proof to the contrary. She's alive.'

'How would you know?' There was no pity in Javik's voice, nor derision. He seemed honestly curious.

'I have a feeling,' Garrus answered, remembering how ridiculous that notion had seemed a while ago. He saw the prothean shake his head minutely and decided to ignore him. He hooked the offending plaque under his arm. He'd shove the blasted thing into the trash compactor later. 'Tali, a word.' He walked to the AI Core followed closely by the quarian. The moment the door closed behind them, he stared at her hard, trying to lock eyes through her mask. 'How bad is it?'

'Not too bad. Fixing it was difficult right now, though.'

'You stay here. This room was the least frequented by people and it is very easy to turn into a clean room. The system from sickbay can take care of that.'

'The problem isn't that, Garrus. The problem is that I already was exposed to … whatever. Zorya is a bit troublesome as far as micro-organisms are concerned.'

His eyes narrowed. 'Give me odds for your survival, Tali.'

She shook her head. 'I honestly can't tell. I know I'll get sick. I did repair the suit, but I can't tell you how much contamination there was already.'

'But don't these suits treat a present reaction, too?'

'They do.' She sighed. 'Thing is, they need maintenance to keep working, and that bullet damaged that system. I can fix that under certain conditions. One is that I need a clean room. Which I have, here, but to be honest, I don't have ideal equipment. Much of mine has been destroyed in the … ah … unsafe deceleration. These things are delicate. I'll do what I can, but I really need to get off this planet.'

'We'll need to get you to the migrant fleet, then, rather than Earth.'

'No. Earth hospitals are generally equipped for quarians.' She slammed her fist against the wall. 'One shot, Garrus. That waste of space had one shot at me and I was too slow to evade or get to the forest.'

'This isn't your fault in any way.' Garrus reached out to squeeze her shoulders. 'Keep me updated. And I'll tell the crew. I know you don't like it, but they'll wonder why the most social of us locks herself away and I won't lie.'

Tali sat down in a corner. 'Understood. And … you're right. But I don't have to like it.'

Garrus huffed. 'I have yet to find anything on this mess of a planet that I like.' He looked at her. 'I'll get your equipment before running the sterilisation protocol and you patch up that system as well as you can. Don't die, Tali. Shepard won't forgive me if I bring you back home dead.'

'I'll do my best. I … I want to see her again. Want to see that she's all right. She deserves better than to die for all she's done.'

'She does. And so do you.'

* * *

_((This is as far as I'll let artistic license take me. I'm reaching with the keepers in the mass relays, but I haven't found proof to the contrary – knowing full well that this sucks as a scientific method. I wouldn't bet my head if this is how comm buoys work, either, to be honest.))_


	5. Exhausted, Starved, Yet Still a Hunter

_((The chapter heading is a line from the song _Dark Star_ by Deine Lakaien.))_

* * *

_Chapter 5  
Exhausted, Starved, Yet Still a Hunter_

Drained, Iris leaned forwards, supporting her hands on her knees. 'This is quite enough for today,' Greg said. She had first seen him a few days ago. He was the owner of the hospital, it turned out, and because of the high amount of patients he helped out where the doctors couldn't be spared. Right now, he made sure she didn't overdo her training. Before that, he had been outside, looking for survivors and had barely set foot in the hospital itself until it was pretty clear that they wouldn't find anyone alive.

'I need …'

'You need resting time, too. You're already beating all odds and are barely behind any average human being.'

Iris wasn't an average human being. She had spent her life in the military, for crying out loud, and she was used to being as fit as a fiddle. The look on his face told her this wasn't a battle she wanted to pick. Partly because she knew he was right.

'Also, the Professor wants to see you', Greg added mildly. 'He seemed impatient.'

Iris snorted. 'Yeah. He always does. I'll go see him.'

The Professor. The reverence with which the old salarian was treated had hit home what illustrious friends she'd made. Some people were acting as if she alone had saved the world. The truth of it was that without the people that had followed her into hell ever since she became a Spectre, she wouldn't have stood a chance.

She heard Mordin talking through the closed door when she reached his lab cum doctor's office. As long as she didn't see him, she could pretend he hadn't changed at all since she'd first met him. He sounded every bit like his energetic self. Only face to face with him, his weariness was impossible to hide from her. He was working too hard even for a young guy, but it wasn't in his nature to do anything half-arsed. He was needed and he refused to sit idly by when he could be of use.

The door opened and revealed a flustered turian who nearly crashed into her before he vanished with a muttered apology. Mordin nodded a greeting to her and watched the retreating figure. 'Fool. Remains of Reapers – hardly understandable, but no need to fret.'

'What was wrong with him?'

Mordin's eyes glinted. 'Nothing. Just got scared after working with repair team near fallen Reaper. Sit down here.'

Iris obeyed and tried to push down the nagging thought in her head and the wave of nausea that came with it. Mordin halted in mid-step and tilted his head. She knew he had seen that she was worried and wouldn't let her off the hook anymore. She might as well speak up before he wormed it out of her anyway. 'I understand him. I've been wondering, too. For a long time. What if none of this is real?'

Mordin huffed. 'Indoctrination no longer possible. Also – wrote paper about it. Cannot disclose it – classified by STG. But you – no. Not indoctrinated. Would have noticed. Might not help mitigate concern. Would, of course, imagine me saying this if indoctrinated. Will have to … wait it out.'

'That's what I figured. Any idea when it'll sink in?'

'Difficult. Depends on many of factors. But … lasting normalcy unlikely in case of indoctrination. Should be safe after … two years.'

Iris couldn't help smiling at that. Mordin used that moment to ram a finger-stick into her index finger. 'Ow,' she said in protest as he squeezed a drop of blood onto some machinery. 'You could have warned me.'

'Thought pain might help ascertain reality.' The salarian looked at the display of whatever it was he was handling. He blinked a couple of times before he fixed Iris with an intense look. She didn't like it one bit. It made her feel like a specimen. 'Hmm.'

Trying not to get worried, she went for small talk. 'Was that turian you talked to one of the new ones?' Four days ago, by some weird miracle, their mass relay had snapped back to life. Only hours later, four turian ships had arrived. A few people had panicked. She hadn't. They had brought food for their own – which was pretty much what she'd thought they were doing. But they hadn't left immediately after that and offered help instead. Since their own planet wasn't any better off and considering how badly the relationship between the two species had started, it was touching.

Maybe at last, people would stop fearing them. Then again, a newscaster had since said that Iris's liaison with Garrus wouldn't have outlived the war even if the turian hadn't bailed on her. She'd gone on to explain how violent turians were in general and to their partners specifically, making use of every prejudice out there and inventing new ones. When the brainless toad had claimed that Iris had been seen with unexplained bruises and injuries, she'd trashed the radio. She felt duly ashamed for her lack of self-control, but Garrus's absence was physically painful and she was sure that he wasn't feeling any better. If … no. She wouldn't go there.

'Shepard?'

She realised that he had talked to her while she'd balled her fists in fury at that journalist she couldn't strangle. 'Sorry. I just … I'm scared. I keep waiting for the Normandy to come. I had my nose glued to the window for three days after the turians got here. But with every hour … I'm scared for them.'

Mordin shook his head vigorously. 'No time to lose hope. Turian ships that came to earth had sustained relatively little damage. Normandy might require more repairs from fewer hands.' He didn't believe it any more than she did. She'd learned to read him by now. He didn't want them to be dead. Again, his gaze wandered to his instrument, for a moment neglected. 'Hmm.'

'Mordin?'

'Hm!' He took a sharp breath. 'Any other complaints?'

'I feel sick a lot. But I think that's mostly anxiety.'

'Hmm.'

'I really wish you'd stop saying that.'

'Need another test. Stay still.' Mordin approached her with a weird stick-like item he ran up and down her back, her sides, and her front.

Iris watched his expression, suddenly frighteningly neutral, and decided she'd had it. 'Mordin, spill it. What's wrong with me?'

He shrugged. 'Nothing wrong. Just … unexpected. Would congratulate you, but … perhaps not.'

'On what?'

'You're pregnant.'

A thousand thoughts chased each other in Iris's head, stealing any witty answer from her lips. She thought of Garrus speculating about hybrids, but they'd both known this wasn't happening. It all added up to one simple answer. 'Mordin … I'm sorry, but this once you're wrong. It's impossible. I mean … For all I know …' She felt herself flush. 'There's no way I could be pregnant from Garrus, we're too different. Genetically. Even though we … ah …'

Mordin saved her. 'No. Utterly impossible, even with genetic engineering.'

'Well, I haven't slept with anyone else in years, Mordin. Are you even going to believe me?'

'Yes. Know you as honest. Also … more personal reasons to doubt cause.' Mordin looked serious and thought for a moment. When he opened his mouth again, a crash sounded outside, then hurried footsteps and someone shouting. 'Iris …'

'It's okay. Go check. I won't damage your lab.'

He took a step closer. 'Will figure this out. Wait here.'

Iris's eyes widened as the shouting outside gained intensity. She started towards the door, but Mordin stopped her with a hand on her arm.

'Chaotic, possibly hazardous clinic – not your problem. Can handle this. You stay. Need to speak with you later.'

'Fine. Look what's going on out there. But if this doesn't get better I'm coming to help you.'

'No need. Will be back, Iris.'

She stared after him at the closed door. According to Miranda, she'd been unconscious for 34 days. Iris walked to the window and looked out at London, at the destruction and the people trying to use the last half hour of light to return the city to its previous state. Someone had done something unspeakable to her. What precisely she had every intention to find out – she was in a medical facility, after all, and Mordin calling the clinic hazardous didn't sound good. 'What in the blue blazes did I get into now?' Iris asked the city at large, not expecting an answer. She almost screamed when she got one.


	6. The River Empties to the Tide

_((The chapter heading is – again – taken from the song_ Find the River_ by R.E.M. Actually, it's the very next line after the one I chose for chapter 3.))_

* * *

_Chapter 6  
The River Empties to the Tide_

Joker's eyes were fixed on the displays flashing before him. 'I don't know how well this is going to go. You should sit down.'

Garrus had one hand on the wall to support himself. The ship lifted off the ground gently enough, easing up fast. Zorya fell away beneath them smoothly. It was still too slow for Garrus's liking, but he wouldn't tell Joker that.

The pilot pressed a button. 'Cleared the atmosphere. We're heading for the Aquila system. I'll shout a warning when we go through the relay. Still, stay somewhere secure.' He killed the ship wide communication. 'Vakarian, if you insist on being a pain in the ass, do it on the co-pilot chair. I don't want to have to wipe you off the walls.' Reluctantly, Garrus relented. 'Thanks. You're not helping Tali by breaking your skull.'

'My skull is hard to break, Joker.'

The pilot laughed. 'Well, your face certainly can't get any uglier.'

'Careful. The only weapon I have on me is the stick up my ass.'

Joker chuckled. 'You wouldn't hurt me. You're a big softie.'

Garrus scowled. 'I'm a military man through and through. So it's hardly possible … funny, am I?'

'Unintentionally. Let me think. You're scared out of your wits for Tali – we all are, she's our friend. You refused to put Shepard's name on the memorial wall. You didn't threaten to leave Javik on Zorya more than twice. You've gone soft.'

In the reflection from the screen, Garrus saw to his horror that he was mimicking a human smile – somewhat – and he wasn't doing it intentionally. 'Spirits, I'm spending way too much time with your type.' There was no venom in his words and Joker just grinned. 'What do you think, will the ship survive the jump?'

'Right now, she's doing just fine. Everything looks great. I'd feel better if Tali could have an eye on some of those values. They should be lower and I wouldn't put it past her to make some adjustments in engineering to improve them.' He shot Garrus a brief look. 'I think the jump won't be the problem. Now re-entry into Earth's atmosphere … that might be a rough ride. Our shields aren't as good as they were. But … come on. We've survived geth, collectors, reapers … we're not going to die trying to get home. That would be so anticlimactic.' He pushed the comm button again. 'If you want to say goodbye to Zorya, look and wave at it now before we're out of sight.'

'I've been wondering which guardian she is,' Kaidan's voice came through.

The pilot snorted. 'What are you raving about?'

'The planet. Zorya. In Slavic myths there are three stars guarding the Simargl, a dog-thing chained to Polaris. If it gets loose, the world ends.'

'That is bonkers, Alenko. You know that, right?'

'I know there is no dog chained to Polaris, thanks. But someone did name the planet after them. I just wonder which guardian they were thinking of.'

'Which ones are there?'

'Rankova Zorya, Vechirnya Zorya, and Piwnichna Zorya. They're the daughters of Dazhboh, the sun god.'

Garrus blinked. 'My translator didn't catch that.'

Joker snorted. 'That's because he's probably making up words to make us feel stupid.'

'No.' Kaidan sounded very patient. It was annoying. 'You'd call them Morning Star, Evening Star, and Midnight Star. Fitting that the Blue Suns should originate from here.'

'If you think that their name has anything to do with the name of the planet you give them way too much credit,' Garrus informed him. 'This isn't a human religion I've encountered, and I've had a bit more friendly contact with humans than your average merc.'

'That's because it's really old and not a lot of people follow it anymore. I don't, for me this is just … myths and stories I read growing up. Those stars are allegorised in an early 21st century novel, too. But they're named differently there.'

'I'll choose, then,' Joker decided. 'Let's face it, we thought we'd die when we fled. Or I did. Now we're getting back home, reborn, if you want. So I'll claim this is the Morning Star. Satisfied?'

'Yeah. I can deal with that.'

Garrus looked at the pilot. 'I didn't realise you had a philosophical side.'

'I don't. I just wanted him to shut up. I'm scared as hell and I don't want to spend my last hour or so worrying about mythology.'

Garrus watched the silent passage of the void past their window. 'I'm not all that worried about us. Between Tali saying we're good to go and you flying, I say we'll be just fine.' He frowned. 'Maybe we should take the Kodiak with Tali and …'

'If you have a death wish. She took the thing apart for her repairs. I'll land the Normandy and you'll have to get her to a hospital on foot. Sorry. But if she made it for … ah … I haven't any idea how long we've been here, to be honest.'

'44 days. Seven since Tali got shot. Zorya's day length is almost identical to Palaven's, it's easy for me to keep track.'

'That would make that … about 50 Earth days on Zorya, a bit more. Shit. That's a hell of a long time. They'll all think we're dead.'

'Probably. More because we went through the relay just before it blew and not because we were gone. Everyone was cut off.'

'And I'm sure that the moment the relays came back on, the first ships started checking on other systems. And if so, this is Shepard's doing. How she united so many different people … She was the best leader the galaxy ever had.'

Garrus looked at a point off in the distance. 'Don't talk about her like she's dead.' He wondered what he'd do if she was. He honestly didn't know how he'd deal with that.

'Hello, Normandy, this is your friendly pilot. We're approaching the mass relay now. After that it's only a short time before we enter Earth's atmosphere. This might be a bumpy ride, so make sure you're secure. We came this far. We'll make the rest of the way.' He shot a glance at Garrus. 'See you on the other side.'

When the mass relay caught them, the ship was jostled. They had known that. The dampers hadn't survived their crash on Zorya and while Tali had repaired them to a point, they didn't have full functionality. Garrus clutched at his seat and waited for the ship to calm down. 'We're through. Welcome or welcome back to Earth, depending on your origin. Approaching now. I'll land us in London because I know where the hospital is.' After cutting the connection, he glanced at Garrus. 'Get to Sickbay quick and hold on tight there. That's the most head start I can give you. Don't move until I say so. If I can't land next to the hospital I'll hold her just above ground so you two can get out. All right?'

Garrus nodded. 'Thanks.'

Ϡ

For once, Garrus didn't meet a soul on his way. Good thing, too, or he'd have had to tell them to get the hell out of the corridors. He barely made it to the Sickbay before Joker's voice sounded in his ears. 'Brace for re-entry.' He did. A light vibration started at his feet and gained intensity. Then there was a brief lurch. 'We're good, don't worry.' Joker sounded confident.

Afterwards, Garrus was never able to tell how long it had taken before Joker gave his okay to move again, and he went crashing into the AI Core. The quarian sat on what served as her bunk, still braced for an impact. 'We're getting out, Tali.'

When she tried to stand, she swayed before Garrus caught her. 'I'm not sure if I can run.'

'You don't need to run, let's just get out. Lean on me.'

She did, albeit reluctantly. 'Garrus, I'm not well. Unless I'm very lucky and we find a doctor who knows how to …'

'You are not dying on me now.' He tightened his grip on Tali as they stepped in the elevator. It couldn't possibly go fast enough. Step by step, they made it forwards to the exit. 'Joker?'

'Yeah. You'll have to jump a bit.'

Garrus made a face. 'See you later.' The exit opened, revealing that they were hovering just above the asphalt. It wasn't much of a jump. The city was a disaster. People were running towards them, shouting and pointing. He wished he could share their enthusiasm, but right now, all he cared about was the sick quarian who was only standing because he held her upright.

'Garrus …'

Making up his mind, he clicked his tongue. 'Sorry, Tali, but this isn't going to work.' Without waiting for permission, he picked her up. The hospital was just ahead of them. Garrus jumped, trying to jostle her as little as he could. The moment his feet hit the ground, he started running.

Ϡ

People evaded him intuitively as he came crashing through the doors. A receptionist shouted after him and he actually halted. 'Sick quarian,' he said sharply. 'Is there anyone here who can help her?'

'Is this an emergency?'

Garrus stared her down. 'What does it look like? I need a clean room and someone with the knowledge how to treat her.'

A nurse opened a door and pointed. 'Through there, third room on the left. I'll get someone. But you can't just …'

'Watch me,' Garrus growled and started running again, followed by the shouts of the receptionist, who clearly didn't like being ignored. He nearly ran into an asari, who evaded the last moment. She hurled an insult at him as he knocked over an overbed table that stood in his way.

The room he'd been sent to was deserted but it had a bed in it and he placed Tali on it. He was about to get back out and shout until someone looked at her, but there was no need. The door, which had slid shut behind him, opened. 'Who's making suck a ra… Garrus?'

The turian felt the rush of adrenalin bleed out of him and he sank into a chair. 'Mordin. You're alive. Spirits, I need you. Tali does.'

The salarian had already moved on to her, turning her to her side under weak protest. 'Signs of suit repair. Responsive but weakened. Infection as result of suit breach. Damage to system caused partial failure of Immunoboost application. How long?'

'She was shot seven … well, nine earth days ago. She couldn't completely fix the suit to fight the infection or something.'

'Nine days? Shouldn't even be alive.'

'I'm right here, Mordin.' Her voice was soft but firm enough. 'I could repair the system to a point, it just isn't working well enough to completely defeat the reaction. And I stayed in the AI Core when I did that, so I didn't make it worse.'

'Ah. Patient coherent. Situation perhaps not that critical. Garrus … out. Will lock door behind you.' Reluctantly, Garrus let himself be ushered back into the corridor. Mordin's lips twitched into a small smile. 'Will talk to you when done. Wait in next room. Don't leave, no matter what you hear. Understood?'

'Underst…' Mordin had already shut the door in his face and Garrus felt empty. He wanted to look for Iris, to ask someone where she was, but the hall was deserted. Defeated, he entered the room next to the one he'd left Tali in. The room smelled exactly like Mordin's lab on the Normandy – a mix of disinfectant and various other chemical smells. A figure by the window looked out at the city.

Garrus froze in the door. He couldn't see her face, but he didn't need to. Warmth spread through his entire body. Iris hadn't noticed him and he closed the door silently. Her voice was quiet, but in the silence of the lab he heard her just fine. 'What in the blue blazes did I get into now?'

Garrus had come within an arm's reach when he spoke. 'Well. Whatever it is, I'm sure we can handle it.'

* * *

_((The novel Kaidan references is, of course, _American Gods_ by Neil Gaiman. The difference in their names is owed to the fact that Alenko sounds very much like a Ukrainian name – and he's Canadian! – so I went with that version.))_


	7. Stars Roll Slowly In a Silvery Night

_((The chapter heading is a line taken from the song _Moonlight Shadow_ by Mike Oldfield.))_

* * *

_Chapter 7  
Stars Roll Slowly In a Silvery Night_

The familiar voice went right through Iris's discomfort and confusion, chasing them away like an arm sweeping papers off a table. She spun and stared, willing herself to believe that she hadn't finally lost it. And there he stood, mandibles flaring briefly in amusement before she flung herself against him, clutching him harder than she could have a human. Strong arms came around her and she felt him nuzzle her hair.

With an enormous effort of will, Iris extricated herself from Garrus and reached up to cup his face. 'You're really here.'

'It would appear that I am. Iris, are you all right? Everyone thought you're gone.'

She nodded. 'I'm fine. My lungs are a bit damaged but Mordin muttered something about only mildly abnormal results and that I shouldn't worry about it.'

He still looked worried, his hands on her sides in a gentle hold, thumbs caressing her lightly. 'You sounded like you're in trouble. Is there anything I can do?'

Swallowing, Iris took a step away. She rubbed a hand over her face. 'Oh, God, Garrus. I don't know how to say this. If you walk out I won't blame you.'

The turian couldn't raise his eyebrows as impressively as some humans but he was trying and it looked more endearing than someone so tall and solid had any right to. 'Okay. I'd like to know why both you and Mordin seem to think I'd do that. Unless you want me to leave?'

'No!' Iris turned to the wall and punched it. Hard. It hurt, but it helped.

Garrus was there in an instant, capturing her hand and inspecting it for damage. 'Hey, talk to me, Shepard. I won't just … walk away. Try me.'

'Fine. I'll try you. I'm pregnant, Garrus.'

Garrus blinked but didn't let go of her hand. 'Well, you probably thought I'm dead. If you've moved on … but no. Somehow I don't think so. I'm … I'm not going to pretend that I'm not hurt, but …' He fell silent. 'Something's very wrong, isn't it?'

'You know me too well.' Iris leaned against him again and relaxed when he held her again, his hands caressing her back. 'I didn't cheat on you, Garrus. And I definitely didn't move on. I didn't play a very active role in the matter.'

Garrus nodded slowly. 'I see.' He held her a little tighter. 'What do you need, Iris? Do you need me with you or do you need space?' He paused. 'This isn't a thing in turian culture and I'm not sure how to handle this. At all. I don't want to make everything worse for you and will need directions.'

Iris supported her chin on his chest and looked up at Garrus as she'd done uncountable times. 'You mean rape doesn't happen among turians? Like, ever?'

His mandibles clicked against his face. 'How would it? You know how turian males look out of their armour. Our women have those plates, too. Rape is physically impossible.'

'Well, at least you'd need a crowbar or something.'

'Shepard!'

'Okay. That was horrible. I admit it. But I don't think I was raped. Not in the traditional sense anyway. I was in an ICU, for crying out loud, so I really don't have a clue. But I think this was done more subtly.'

'Not by Mordin, I hope.'

'What? No. I think he has some suspicion, but he didn't get to say it because someone … Hey, that was you! You were the commotion out there!'

'Ah. Was it that loud? I brought Tali. She's hurt, but Mordin is taking care of her and he didn't seem hopeless.'

'And the rest?'

'We lost EDI. The others are fine. They might be a while, though. Joker needs to land somewhere and then someone should pick them all up.'

'How is Joker handling that EDI's gone?'

'How he handles everything. Acts like nothing touches him a lot of the time. He did insist on having her name on the memorial wall. They wanted me to put yours there, too. I … just couldn't.' Iris was still looking up at him, at those beautiful blue eyes. 'I refused to believe that you're dead. I … I love you Iris. I don't think I ever told you that.'

She pressed her lips against the nearest mandible. 'You did, actually.'

'Yes. When I thought I'd never see you again! That was way too late.'

'Garrus … I didn't need to hear those words to know. The way you acted and what you did say didn't leave any room for doubt.' She kissed him gently, drawing a low hum from him. 'I missed you so much.'

Garrus didn't answer, just closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers. 'Is there anything you need?' he asked eventually.

'Sleep,' Iris said softly. 'I've had a long day. But I promised Mordin to wait here.'

'Me too. I hope Tali's all right. Without her, I wouldn't be here.' He smiled. 'She's going to be so thrilled that you're alive.'

Iris wondered if she was going to fall asleep standing there when the door opened, revealing Mordin. 'Tali?' she asked immediately.

'Will be fine.' Mordin looked from her to Garrus. 'Should go elsewhere for this talk.'

'He stays,' Iris said, grabbing Garrus's wrist for emphasis. 'I told him.'

'Wise. Bad kind of secret. Also – difficult to hide. Still. Hospital not ideal. Difficult talk, worrisome implications. Would visit you tomorrow morning.'

Iris walked closer to the salarian. 'Mordin, are you in danger?'

He blinked at her. 'Mostly from old age, Shepard.'

'You sure you'll be all right?' Garrus inspected him closely. 'You look horrible.'

Mordin took a deep breath. 'Wouldn't put head above parapet. Scars still very visible.' Mordin pressed a bag into Garrus's hand and a key card into Iris's. 'Key to apartment at Meath Park. Only undamaged building there, third floor, room 319, next to mine. Do not come back. Will check up on you there.'

Iris glanced at the key card, then back at Mordin. 'Okay. Now I'm really worried.'

The salarian smiled and it looked convincing enough. 'No need. Promise. Will see you tomorrow. Maybe bring Tali.'

'How did you come by that key?' Garrus asked. 'There must be loads of people trying to find a shelter.

Mordin shrugged. 'Pulled a few strings. Not that difficult.' He blinked. 'Don't take front exit. Get out of window.'

'Mordin! That's it. You're coming with us.'

The salarian's lips curled into a smile and Iris realised that he was pulling her leg – to a point, at least. 'Not necessary. Need to take care of Tali. Also … not in danger yet. May be eventually. Go now. Will explain your absence if needed. Go!'

Ϡ

The apartment was nowhere near as luxurious as Anderson's on the Citadel, but it beat being stuck in hospital any time. Iris couldn't shake her worry for Mordin and for the first time, she wondered if there wasn't more than his years weighing on the thin shoulders.

While Mordin hadn't been serious about escaping through the window, Iris couldn't shake the feeling that the receptionist hadn't exactly been happy to watch them leave. The poor woman had quailed at a glare from Garrus, however, and hadn't protested. The turian had suggested that Mordin could say he had taken Iris from him at gunpoint if necessary. Mordin had laughed at that, which had calmed Iris. Somewhat. If anyone hurt her friend, she was going to put whoever was responsible through a world of pain.

Impatient with herself, she tried to shake her concern. 'Why am I scared for a guy that preferred shooting mercs himself to using mechs?' she asked while Garrus took a glance inside the hastily tied package Mordin had given him.

'Because,' Garrus said with a distinctly amused note in his voice, 'you are a mother hen who befriends her subordinates. The hierarchy would have had kittens.' He inspected something that looked distinctly medical. 'That isn't a bad thing, mind you. Your style worked. That we are even having this conversation is evidence enough.' He steered Iris to the bed. 'Iris, Mordin may be old, but he is very capable. You, my love, need to rest. When Mordin says he'll come to see us in the morning, I suppose he means early.'

Reluctantly, she let him tuck her in. When he settled next to her, his familiar scent threatened to lull her into sleep at once, but she fought it. 'I've got my next question.'

Garrus chuckled softly. 'I wondered if you'd remember that it's your turn. Shoot.'

Iris smiled. This odd tradition had evolved towards the end of their mission after their shooting contest on the Citadel. Each night, one asked the other a single question. Sometimes the answer was brief enough, sometimes, they'd talk through half the night. 'Like I'd forget that. What is the most foolish thing you've ever done?'

The turian laughed softly, a gentle rumble going through his chest. Iris smiled and snuggled closer. 'And here I expected some deeply philosophical question. Hmm. Well. When I was very young, I wanted to know what levo food tastes like.'

'That can't lead anywhere good.'

'I was very fascinated by the taste. Or the lack of taste, really. And … well. I kept eating. I ended up in hospital where they got worried that I might be suicidal. My family doctor rescued me by telling them that I was just a reckless idiot.'

'He wasn't wrong, I would think.'

'Just wait for what I have for you tomorrow.' Garrus was stroking her scalp, always careful. She remembered that idiotic reporter and tensed, but he made a hushing sound that sounded more like a purr than anything else. Not for the first time, she wondered what frequencies, inaudible for a human, another turian would hear. 'You have no idea how happy I am to be with you. Don't torture yourself. You destroyed the Reapers, for crying out loud. Whatever is going on here, we'll fix this.'

'Thank you, Garrus. For being here. And for believing me.' Iris let her eyes close, snuggling into Garrus and basking in his presence. Everything else could wait.


End file.
